Ever get on the subway going the wrong way because you were too caught up in thought to notice? How about completely missing what someone was saying to you because you were thinking about something else? How many times have you been in conversation and completely shut down at the first sign of negative feedback?
These are just some examples of experiences we might have had when going through daily life.
I have found mindfulness to be an extremely beneficial tool in helping me challenge these kinds of mind-wandering scenarios by staying present with what is happening around me. More broadly it has made me much more present, appreciative, self-aware, and grateful for life. As an anxious person, there would be many times I would venture through my day to day somewhat unaware of what was happening around me. I could be working on a task while at the same time in my head in a sort of a trans-like state thinking about a future scenario or past situation that was causing me anxiety...
"how am I going to get XYZ done?... what happens if this doesn’t go according to plan?...what's it going to be like when this happens?.... why did you do that?... how could you have said something so stupid?"
What mindfulness does, is it takes you out of the past or future and keeps you glued to the now. As a byproduct of the process, you release the “ego” as you begin to focus less on what's going on in your head, and more on what is happening around you.
Some mindfulness techniques include breath work, body scanning, noticing sensations and emotions, or using a mantra. With any of these techniques, the goal is that when your mind starts to wander, you are directed to bring it back to the thing you’re meant to focus on. You want to catch the mind wandering as soon as possible, and to keep coming back to the main reference point. It is completely normal for the mind to wander, so seeing that as a failure will only lead to self-deprecating thoughts. Instead, you’re meant to focus on having the conscious wherewithal to notice when the mind is wandering, and bring it back to the present.
I’ve tried a number of mindfulness meditation techniques over the years, and after finally committing to practice it daily, I’ve experienced some major breakthroughs in my life that made me want to share my experience in hopes that others may see the value in this. After practicing consistently twice a day for just 8 months, I started to become extremely conscious of my subconscious. I made it a point to practice noticing when I would fall into thought and actively bringing myself out of it.
I remember walking through the park a couple of months ago looking at the trees and plants surrounding me...
...when I suddenly realized that I was not actually present with the beauty I was experiencing right before my eyes. My mind was too busy psychoanalyzing a past situation that I had already made peace with— I was still stewing and couldn’t let go. In fact, I was lost in thought for a good 30 minutes before realizing what was happening. As I woke up and teleported back into the now, I hit the pause button standing dead in my tracks in the middle of the walkway, and directed my attention inside.
I first acknowledged the emotion I was experiencing without judging or being angry with myself. In this instance, there were two: anxiety and anger. Once I did that, I revisited the dilemma in my mind, replaying the scenario, along with my rationalization for the best course of action to be taken. Then I had to make sure all parts of me (conscious and subconscious) were completely comfortable with my decision before mentally (and physically) moving on, otherwise, this chatter would keep looping on for some time. After going through this process for about 5 minutes, I was ready to let it go from my mind and move forward with my walk.
As I continued to walk through the park I couldn't help but think about time in general....
60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year…..how much of my time have I been spending in my head vs. in the present?
There is only so much time in the day, and if I spent most of my time thinking about the past or future, well, my entire life was going to pass me by before I knew it. And that is a sad thought. Mostly given I am already a third of the way through, and the fact that we only have one life, just 1. From that moment on, I made a vow to myself to consistently practice living as present and conscious as possible, and to cherish every waking moment on this earth.
Another day shortly thereafter, I recall having a confrontation with a friend who made a comment that was somewhat offensive to my ego. At my first inkling of rejection from his words, my defenses shot up and I completely shut down and tuned out the rest of what he was saying to me. My mind shifted from what he was saying to how I was feeling ...
”you’re too much... why did you do that... you really blew this one... it’s all your fault”
...blah blah blah... you name it.
Mid conversation, I was able to catch this internal monologue taking place and quickly adjust my attention to the present— the literalllll wordssss coming out of his mouth. Although the negative feedback felt like rejection and definitely bruised my ego, I could actually see outside myself and genuinely understand where he was coming from. This was somewhat confusing, maddening, and freeing all at the same time. I realize, that while it is essential to take time and care in processing our thoughts and feelings regarding any situation, conversation, or confrontation in to determine what we want to make of it and how we want to move forward, it's quite valuable to do that after the fact, by designating a time in the day for self-reflection.
Many times in our lives we don’t actually connect or see another's perspective because we are so focused on how we are feeling inside that we miss a lot of what is being said around us, to us. Especially when the conversation is more geared towards something we deem negative and critical, it often leads to us feeling disconnected, resentful, and defensive, when it could just as easily be transformed into a growth opportunity to learn something about ourselves. I am not saying we always have to be ok with feedback and criticism. There are definitely many times I have received or given feedback in which the timing, insights, or delivery weren't appropriate or well-received, and that's totally ok. No one is perfect on either end nor can we expect anyone to be, but having a genuine curiosity about others’ insights and perspectives is essential for mutual understanding, connection, and satisfaction. More importantly, recognizing that we can learn a lot from the people around us will prove to be very valuable for our personal growth and success.
If you’re not currently practicing mindfulness and meditation, I encourage you to look into it. I personally use the Ziva Technique and absolutely love Emily Fletcher's approach. I’ve never heard someone talk about the science behind meditation and the importance and value of working the right side of the brain, and she does a great job in educating her audience on the benefits in a relatable, humorous, and human way. If you haven’t checked her out already, I encourage you to look into Ziva Meditation and the Ziva technique. There are also many other great apps too like Headspace, Calm, Ten Percent Happier, Insight Timer, etc, so it's really whatever works best for you and your lifestyle.
I hope this was helpful. Thank you for reading.
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